This is not my ceiling
another moral hangover. fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
