he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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