My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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