you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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