you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
