one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
