I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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