so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize