they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
