Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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