i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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