final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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