Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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