Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize