You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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