this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
