I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
