Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
