I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
