Cold hands, warm shart.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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