I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
