Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
