if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
