i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
