Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dick has a subreddit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
