I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
