I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
