i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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