Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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