she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
