True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
third nipple confirmed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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