I cannot find my penis.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
