You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
