It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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