She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I party with great urgency now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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