I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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