Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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