Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The best revenge is premature balding
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
