glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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