Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
