Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
