now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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