you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
