Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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