i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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