hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
