I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
