i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
