K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
