Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
