Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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