good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
