I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
