Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
