My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
