Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who died my cat blue again?
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