TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
