Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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