You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
