You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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