why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
