I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
