i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
