I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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