For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
