Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
