Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize