I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
