You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
