I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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