You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
