areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
