i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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