if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
