Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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