omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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