my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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