youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
