But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like eating out sand paper
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
