Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
