she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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