oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
