4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
