she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
