sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
