Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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