so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
