Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We have started to decorate penises.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
