I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize