Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
